The Disease OfThe Eye
by Tesnmorlock
Summary: This is a terrible rendition of a play from a bygone era... no wait! It's an attempt at me writing a fanfiction! This story is very zany and is an experiment to be honest... please R&R :)
1. The Disease of The Eye

Disclaimer – As if I could create any characters as original as these. Are you passing the pie at me? Moreover, this little dealie is carried on below...

A/N – This is my first ever chapter! It will probably also be my last! It is very short because I have little faith in it and would not want to steal bandwidth from worthy fanfictions! Anyways, this really isn't my idea as such, my girlfriend Steph (Captain Howdy 611) has written many brilliant fanfics and mentioned Double D wearing eye liner in one of them and I thought of a brilliant excuse for why he wore it... well, that's the plot of the story, why Edd wears eye liner... ahh! I can see your attention slipping already!

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Ed dashes over to Eddy and Double D with his back bent backwards brandishing something long, thin and black in his outstretched hand. "Beware! It is the Stylo Of The Apocalypse!"

Double D looks positively enthralled – "Ed? Have you been studying French?"

Eddy laughs at Double D's suggestion that Ed might even consider touching a book, "Give it over blockhead... Is this Eye Liner? What are you doing with Eye Liner in your room Sockhead?".

Edd moves his left foot slowly from one side to the other, with a hesitant look in his eye he replies: "Alright Eddy, I suppose you were going to find out one day or other. I'll show you why I wear eye liner, my friends, but you must promise not to disclose this information to anybody else".

Ed stares Double D long in the face and declares, "Do not worry Double D, you can trust us. We are quieter than chickens". Ed snaps back into an upright position and salutes Eddy.  
Edd enters his bathroom and asks that the other Ed's stand outside while he removes the eye liner, before he can shut the door after him Eddy manages to catch a peek of a pack of make-up remover wipes on Edd's wash basin. Behind the closed door Eddy sniggers to Ed, "Sockheads got even more girlie stuff in there!" Ed starts guffawing into his sleeve, Eddy decides not to risk asking what amuses him but to assume he is following the same line of reality... or a near one at best.

Double D slowly brings himself out of the bathroom and stands awkwardly just outside of the door frame, waiting for some kind of response from the bewildered Ed's.

"Erm, Eddy? Why has Double D been playing dot-to-dot on his face?" Ed enquiries in a stupefied voice.

"There not pen marks you lump! They're stitches!"

Double D responds in a more dignified voice, having regained his stature after the Ed's somewhat accepting remarks – "That's right Eddy, these are surgical stitches. When I was an infant the doctors discovered I had a rare disease of the eye and suggested that I might have them transplanted in..." Double D is unable to finish his sentence as Ed has suddenly erected his arms towards his eyes:

"These are unnatural! The Eye Disease will covet us all!!" Removing his fingers from the very edge of Edd's cornea and engaging them and the rest of his arms into a wild flapping motion as ran around Edd's bedroom.

Eddy folds his arms now and regains his regular smug expression, completely blotting out whatever it was Ed was attempting to do by standing on the lamp shade – a trick developed by both he and Double D after many, many years of such tomfoolery! Looking Double D square in the eye he exclaims, "You mean you had... those eyes all this time and we never knew?"

Double D tries to assure him that it happened long before they met and also tries to explain a little more about the operation.

Eddy, however, has heard enough: "Shut your trap Sockhead, we're wasting valuable time on scamming! And I've just come up with the best one yet!"

Double D nervously follows Eddy out of the door after the latter of the Ed's yelled, "Oi! Monobrow! Get of that ceiling fan and follow us! It's scamming time."

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Well, there we are. Very crap to be sure. Please ahh & ahh though... I mean, R&R... wow, what a cheap joke! Lol, but seriously, give us a review to tell me whether to carry on or not ï 


	2. The Scam

Disclaimer – These are not my characters, this is also not my plot, I am borrowing one from the National History Museum, but rest assured, I will be returning it soon : )

A/N – Well, I really don't like this chapter, not as much as the first one, but pretty damn much! Anyways, please R&R me, it's nice to exist!

Sarah exits her house through the front door to inspect the damage done to the house by Ed waking up that morning, having discovered no significant damage, other than the pretty standard cracks in the wall surrounding the window of his cellar ("I can't wait to tell Mum about this...and his room will get damp as well, maybe that's why he's damp in the head?") she checks the front lawn for damage in case he'd taken to impersonating Ralph's goats again. Just before she finished her daily routine Sarah here's the familiar sound of Jimmy's heavy breathing as he pants across the lawn towards her.

Slumping into a writhing mess of loose fitting clothes before Sarah's feet, the young boy starts wheezing with apparent fear. The normally violent girl quickly, but gingerly, checks to make sure that her best friend is not injured or as badly bruised as he normally gets when left alone.

After catching his breath a little, Jimmy manages to pant his message to Sarah, "Something's happened to Double D, Sarah! It's horrible! His eyes... oh! It's to much to remember". The scant figure of the boy swoons into Sarah's ever-ready arms.

With Jimmy still in her arms Sarah regains her normal posture and demeanour by shouting, "I know this is you Ed! You wait until I tell Mom!" and then sets off towards Eddy's house where already she can see the evidence of another scam taking place.

As Sarah approaches she notices what seems to be the rest of the cul-de-sac hovering somewhat awkwardly near by to Kevin and Eddy as they engage in another one of their arguments.

"Look, dork, I'm not paying until I know what you're scamming me to see!"

"Kevin, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to see a marvel of medical science – now cough up 25c or go hit your head against a wall or something..." Eddy turning his back on Kevin, turning around and rubbing his hands greedily as he sees the rest of the 'suckers'.

Emerging from the tent at break neck speed – indeed, Ed is once again in his mandatory 'bent-backwards' stance – Ed starts running in circles around the gathering of kids, screaming, "Run for your lives! The disease will catch you and turn you all from your shovels!" after finishing his proclamation of approaching apocalypse the young man stops dead in his tracks, points towards the tent with one hand and has the other one clenched firmly between his chattering teeth.

Eddy marches up to Ed and bellows at him, "Shut-up Ed, you're scaring away the customers!" the latter Ed simply stands where he is still shivering from perpetual fear.

Gently removing the young boys shivering body from her arms and setting him down onto Eddy's lawn, Sarah stamps her way towards Ed, picks him up by his ear and asks what is going on.

"It is Double D! His eyes have been stolen!"

"This is immoral and deplorable Eddy! I will not continue in this shenanigan!" announces a rather vexed Double D as he exits from the tent installed outside of Eddy's house in the best look of overwhelming anger that he could assume, with cardboard arrows attached to his face.

Ed now grapples his face with his hands, still shivering like a naked leaf, "The Disease Of The Eye has taken over!! Run for your lives"! Attempting to flee the crowd Ed falls over Kevin's protruding leg. "Dork."

Naz cautiously approaches Double D, Kevin shadowing her as ever, and asks, "Double D? Why have you got arrows stuck to your face?".

Double D's anger is replaced by pure embarrassment as he remembers the numerous arrows Eddy had Ed attach to his face with some sort of banned super adhesive – these would be fun to take off! – and at Naz simply mentioning his name.

Eddy jumps over to Naz's right and takes on his usual persona of business, "I'm glad you asked Naz! Bare witness to a medical marvel, a breakthrough in sewing technology...", his sentence interrupted by a stark statement from Edd – "Sewing Technology, Eddy?!".

Eddy throws Double D a look of contempt, "Shut your trap Sockhead! Can't you see we've got customers?"

Kevin walks up to Edd bringing his hand to his mouth and staring at the young Edd with a look of intrigue on his face, his brain taking a few moments to understand the meaning of the array of cardboard adhered to the clearly reddening Edd's face, "Whoa! Naz, look at Double Dork's eyes!"

Eddy quickly jumps between Double D and Kevin, glaring and pointing at the latter, "Oi! Have you paid yet?" Eddy quickly regains his stature, remembering the presence of nearly the entire cul-de-sac in front of him, and advertises; "It's only 25c for a full medical history on Double D's transplanted eyes!"

Kevin, Naz and Sarah all run up to Eddy and plonk a quarter into Eddy's ever ready jam jar announcing, "Cool!". Johnny walks slowly on his way to deposit his entrance fee in Eddy's greedy mitts - "What's that plank? ... Yes, I wish I had transplanted eyes too." However, Jimmy is still shaking in fear, "I'm scared Sarah, Ed say's it's a disease... he may be contaminated..."

"Ed's a disease, don't listen to him", Kevin's reply causes confusion as to whether he was simply taking an opportunity to criticise one of the Ed's or whether he was actually trying to comfort Jimmy – it didn't take a genius to figure out that the former was true.

Everybody follows Naz, who seems positively enthralled by the idea, into the tent outside of Eddy's house except for Ed. Ed suddenly sits up and says in a panic stricken voice, "I'm a disease? Argh! Get me of off me!"


End file.
